


eight minutes worth

by knifeytime



Category: mygfissopretty
Genre: F/M, love romance heartbreak random thoughts quarantine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23940283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knifeytime/pseuds/knifeytime
Summary: just me missing my gf during quarantine most can probs relate lmao and how it all went downhill
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

today has been hard. i miss you so much. i can feel the pain of not being with you in my bones and it hurts so much. we may only be eight minutes apart but it feels like a lightyear away. i want to be in your arms. i want to hug you. i want to finally kiss you. i have to hope this darkness goes away fast or i think i'll go insane without you. i haven't even felt your lips on mine but it seems like all i want in this world. outside is crazy right now but i know if i only had you we would be okay. you make me want to live and see the world. you make me want to grow old and see what life has to offer that isn't complete and utter shit. even if life did give us shit it would be worth it to see your smile everyday in person. we can video call and facetime and it still isn't enough for me, someone who wants to make you laugh and cuddle you in bed while we watch our favorite shows. i want to just have the chance to see you in real life. watching you through a phone makes me even sadder honestly because it gives me a taste of what i can't have. to all of those who are going out and getting sick during this time and who aren't suffering like the rest of us, fuck you. the faster this quarantine is over the faster i get to tell you i love you in person and hear you say it back. i watch all these youtube videos and movies where i'm constantly reminded you aren't in my arms but i can't stop myself because i miss intimacy. sure i have hella problems with intimacy and sex but its worth going through all those rough nights where i just want to start all over if i get to see you and touch you. touch is something else i struggle with, probably because of my trauma/ptsd, but i'm willing to deal with the consequences if you're there to comfort me. no one has seen me cry in person in so long hut i have a feeling i'll cry as soon as i see you. i barely crave the sexual aspect of you, and not for any specific reason, just because i want the romantic moments more. i just want you for you but i can't even have it because my family is homophobic and because we have to stay safe.

-a quarantined boyfriend on april 29th, 2020; the year of social distancing


	2. two

it feels so much lonelier in quarantine when you have someone who would always be by your side but you can't physically have them there. at least if you don't have that person you don't have anything to miss. its not even that i miss just you. everyone who keeps me sane is being kept from me. the recent actions done to loosen up the quarantine bans have allowed me to see a limited amount of my friends but it gets worse when i get back home. being at home sucks whenever all i want is to be with you surrounded by all my friends. i want everyone together. i want true happiness with everyone in school surrounded by supportive people. when i see everyone again i will be so appreciative. being called by my dead name every fucking day sucks and it used to not suck as much with them. god, tomorrow will be so good because i do get to see everyone again but i just want the everyday approval. bring me back everyone please.

5/18/20


	3. Chapter 3

we are much farther apart than i ever expected. physically, we're still only eight minutes apart but we were in two different dimensions. you still cant get those intrusive thoughts left by others out of your beautiful head. i was imagining our future together already, planning for what was to come. you still have the marks of others left all of you mentally while i was picturing if we would have kids or not. i feel guilty for being disappointed but i knew your history and i knew what i was getting myself into. i feel guilty for being sad even though its normal to be sad after this kind of thing. i just wish i could tell you how badly i want to hold you without it getting weird and this is the only way i can because hopefully you wont even see this. i just miss being yours and i cant help but feel like its my fault. why can't i ever be happy for once in my goddamn miserable life? it just seems like i cant ever make the right decision. i knew her past and i knew it was very likely to go to far and i did and she even told me before that it was becoming too much and i still continued like i would in any other relationship but shes not any other relationship and i love her so much and i fucked it all up. if you're reading this, im sorry.

5/27/20


	4. four

you lied. i thought you “couldn’t handle a relationship,” or whatever but its really because you only saw me as a friend. the lies you told me will forever rot in my brain. i can never trust you again. you got mad when i called you out for bullshitting me so you blocked me. i wanted to at least help you learn that being honest is best but you refused the lesson. i tried to figure out when and if you lied at any other point in our relationship. i can’t tell what was a lie or truth. what i find odd is that you wouldn’t block one of the monsters who haunt your nightmares but you’ll block me. am i that bad? has your “feelings” for me turned sour? or were they always sour? i already couldn’t trust people but you made it so much worse. my mind spirals every time someone says they love me because i don’t believe it anymore. i mean if you didn’t love me why would anyone else? 

-thoughts from a pissed off ex   
july 13th, 2020


End file.
